Why should tantrums be welcomed?

Because by welcoming all feelings, we are teaching our child the natural way of self-healing and emotional balance — a balance so vital that it makes or breaks an adult, let alone a child.

And since most parents find it hard to let go of their reactiveness to a tantrum, it is imperative that instead of fixing or suppressing the emotion, we try and unearth the motivation behind it.

So for toddlers, tantrum moments or crying jags are usually triggered when:

• A child craves attention — for instance when hungry, tired or stuck. Such a situation demands an immediate response.
• Wants an activity or tangible item — for instance when insisting on holding the knife or driving the car. Such a situation demands ‘planned ignorance’, where an outburst is ignored to keep the child secure.
• Would like to escape a demand — for instance when refusing a bath or bedtime. Such a situation demands the parent to be creative and plan ahead.
  
  Ultimately, parents need to keep in mind that:
• Crying is not only normal and developmentally appropriate for toddlers; it is also healthy. So, keep repeating ‘crying is the cure’ whenever you find your child in the midst of a strong emotion.
• Kids are not giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time. So don’t take it personally.
• Complying won’t solve anything because if a child observes that creating a fuss pays off, he would create a bigger fuss the next time. So handling crying and tantrums is all about consistency.
  And yes, this would not come naturally to any parent. But welcoming the waves of emotions rarely does.